


A Little Bit of Rain

by bestelitecouple



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:16:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7682380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestelitecouple/pseuds/bestelitecouple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before I met him, I was nothing but a little bit of rain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Bit of Rain

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING- This one-shot will wreck you I am so sorry in advance.

Before I met him, I was nothing but a little bit of rain. 

 

I only drenched people in my sorrows, pouring on them harder and harder until they had had enough of my storm, screeching and creating lightning strikes that shocked me to no end as I watched them leave and the thunder within me began to boom louder and louder. I was boring and consistent and no one could ever love me in a way that made sense. And after they had left I would let out that thunder, screeching and banging and crying even more until I eventually became numb to their pain and was just a little bit of rain again. It was a cycle, an unhealthy cycle, that yet continued and stuck around for so many years that I even forgot that it wasn't normal.

 

One day at the tiny little greenhouse in the back of one of the most underrated museums I had ever been to, looking at the flowers in the back that didn't do anything to ease my sadness nor my boredom of the city of Manchester. Manchester had become grey, losing all interesting qualities and pizazz it once had quite a while ago. The roses were dying and so was I, myself both in physical and mental state. My mind was scattered as it always was, and I feared that I was running out of time before the rain became too much for me.

 

And then, I heard a loud crash, and a piece of pottery landing next to my foot and a nervous laugh towards the front of the tiny greenhouse. I picked up the piece, examining the sharp edge with my fingertip but careful not to draw blood, as I looked up to see the cause of where it came from.

 

He was warm looking, golden, almost emitting heat from his appearance alone, a wide grin on his mouth as his face flushed red in embarrassment. He looked loud, cursing at himself as he moved the pieces out of sight. He let out a little squeak, and quickly ran over to me and let out frantic sputters of what seemed to be a mix of an apology and scold about breaking the pot and leaving it tipped on the shelf. When he was finally finished, out of breath and frankly out of patience, he stared at me expectantly.

 

"I don't own this place." My own voice sounded foreign, almost outgoing.

 

His face broke out in a wider smile, and he began to giggle. Soon even I was laughing, and we were clenching our tummies with tears in our eyes. Laughing tears. He soon wiped his eyes, an almost permanent smile on his face as he moved closer to me.

 

"Hey."

 

I smiled for the first time in months.

 

"Hi."

.

We didn’t see each other for a while after that, as I continued with my melancholy moods and my life spent in the rain. I sometimes had bad days, most of the time very bad days, and occasionally very very bad days. But those days were the ones I remembered the boy in the greenhouse who cursed after dropping a pot, and even when I felt like crap I found myself smiling too.

 

I went to the cafe across the street from my tiny apartment, rain pouring from the sky that didn't make my own personal raincloud lighten up one bit. I opened the door, the bell making a little chime as I let the raindrops drip down my body and hung my sopping wet coat from the rusty coat hanger. I walked to the front of the mostly empty shop and ordered my usual black coffee, putting my change in the little tip jar and getting my coffee from the barista. I took my usual seat in the very corner by the window where no light went and no one else was and looked out at the rain hitting the pavement, once again forgetting my coffee like always.

 

Someone sat across from me uninvited and unspoken, with their own coffee and smartphone in hand, most likely scrolling through social media of some kind. I stayed uninterrupted, staring at the rain and feeling my mood go heavier than it was. I was sopping wet like my coat, and my brain was clouded and foggy like the window.

 

"Your coffee is probably getting cold ya know." I looked from my window to see this stranger talking to me.

 

Except it wasn't a stranger at all. I couldn't help a tiny grin form on my lips at the sight of the familiar face.

 

"Hey."

 

The window was forgotten and his phone was put down.

 

"Hi."

 

By the time we finished talking I had his phone number, it was dark, and my coffee was cold as it always was.

 

But for once, I didn't mind one bit.

.

We talked every day, going on random tangents of playfulness and wit as he laughed loudly over the phone and kept me up until 3, for a good reason this time. We talked about everything stupid and ridiculous, from if humans were able to fly to if animals could talk to humans like us.

 

Every conversation we had ended in giggles and happy tears, smiles wider than cartoon characters and screeching and shouting stupid catch phrases that usually never made sense. These conversations were what I looked forward to at the end of every day, so much that I didn't even mind being late and tired at work. It had been 6 months of this beautiful phase.

 

Today however, had been a very very bad day, one where I spilled coffee on myself and didn't have a change of clothes, got yelled at for printing the wrong document, stared down from being late to a meeting, and threatened from giving the wrong presentation.

 

The second I got home I crashed into my bed, weeping into my pillow as I angrily ripped off my tie and threw it across the room, doing the same for the rest of my work clothes until I was left in my boxers, screaming and shouting as I threw books and papers into a jumbled mess. I collapsed on the floor with a loud sob, covering my face with my hands as I realized what I had done.

 

Another thunder and lightning storm that caused my crash.

 

I gently put on my pajamas, as I continued to cry and whimper, getting into my bed and face-planting into my pillow again.

 

My phone began to buzz. It had to be him for our daily nighttime call. Should I answer? Would he know something was wrong? Should I tell him?

 

I shakily picked up the call, pressing the phone to my ear as I heard a happy sigh.

 

"Yo-de-yo!" I couldn't help but giggle, but that had only made me worse hearing his voice, tears streaming down my face and snot about to drip down my chin. I sniffled, I knew that he knew now.

 

"Are you crying? Love, what's wrong?" He had an instinct to call all his friends love, he had told me that when we first were at the cafe, but I couldn't help but feel comfort from that little word. I sniffled again, trying to keep myself from sobbing into the phone. Unfortunately, I thought this only after I began doing this.

 

"Please don't leave!" I sputtered out, sobbing louder as I thought the worst. What if he didn't want to be my friend anymore? What if he left? What if he hated me and never wanted to see me again? None of this helped.

 

"Why would I leave?" He asked, confusion evident in his voice. I only sobbed harder.

 

"Because I don't want to drench you and have you strike me like every other person I know!" I exclaimed, tears blurring my vision to the point of dizziness. He was quiet, he was going to leave I knew it.

 

"What does that even mean?"

 

"I don't want to bombard you with my sadness because if I do you won't come back!" I finally screeched. The other end of the line fell silent. I really did it this time. I took a deep breath, trying to relax and get my tears to stop, and I did end up getting my breathing slower, but the tears didn't go away. I took another breath.

 

"I have clinical depression and generalized anxiety."

 

It was quiet still, and I was afraid he hung up, until I heard shallow breathing on the other end of the line. It was a few minutes of silence, his quiet breaths on the other line and my sniffling and quick breathing on my side. I was about to hang up when he finally said something.

 

"Why didn't you tell me?" It was full of hurt and concern, and I could tell his face was soft on the other end. I bit my lip, wondering what on earth I could come up with as an excuse. But then I realized, why should I make up an excuse? He's my friend, and if he truly loved me, he would understand.

 

"I was so afraid of dragging another person down." I simply replied, as I heard him chuckle sadly on the other end. I did it.

 

"You could never drag me down."

 

"But what if I do?" I countered. He took a breath on the other end.

 

"Look. You are the most wonderful person I have ever met. You smile so beautifully and you are so graceful and speak in the best way and make me think more than anyone else has in my entire life. You can put your trust in me love. Smile more, speak your mind to me, let me know what goes on in that pretty little head of yours."

 

"But I'm going to pour on you." I sniffled shakily.

 

"Then let's get an umbrella." My heart stopped. What? What was he saying? Was he going...... to stay?

 

"Really?" I breathed. He giggled.

 

"Of course." I felt a smile come onto my face so wide that it hurt. We continued to talk for hours, except not about playful things and random tangents of smiles and butterflies. It was of deepness. I told him about my rain and storms and lighting strikes and he listened carefully. He even told me about his little storm once.

 

"The sun will come out again." We were silent for a very long time.

 

"Hey." I couldn't help but laugh.

 

"Hi."

.

He came over much more often than he used to, once a week turning into once every three days to once every two to eventually moving into my flat. He shared my tiny bedroom and put his things in my coat closet and moved his plants into my kitchen. We got up every morning together and ate breakfast, I came home after work and he cooked most meals, and we'd fall asleep together in my tiny home.

 

I got used to living with him quickly, as he stayed over most days and after that things became second nature. He knew how I liked my coffee and I knew he liked his cereal with more milk than actual cereal. His favorite book was Diary of an Oxygen Thief and his favorite movie was Love, Actually. His favorite flower was a lily and he liked wearing skinny jeans. His clothes mixed with mine and soon when I was sick he was taking my temperature. He somehow managed to add his own spin on my furniture and knew what to cook for dinner depending on the day. He always carried around a portable umbrella everywhere we went, even if it wasn’t raining.

 

The first time he witnessed a storm was the day after Christmas, I had been yelled to at work and shoved three times in the hall. The shop had run out of my favorite coffee and I was drenched in a puddle waiting for the bus. I walked into my flat and he tried to greet me with a hug. I shoved him away and began to yell, screeching louder and louder at him for no reason at all until I threw my jacket and it fell on a lily plant. I covered my face and I cried loud and unafraid. He would leave, and I would be in misery.

 

But he didn't leave. He gathered me in his arms and hugged me tight and whispered soft things in my ear until the storm had calmed and there was nothing but numbness and the rain I became accustomed to.

 

He looked me over carefully and bent down so I could look down at him.

 

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" I nodded shyly.

 

"Go put on a movie, alright?" He said calmly, and I shook my head again, not before he put his arm around my waist and pressed his lips gently to my cheek.

 

"I will be with you through every storm, always."

 

I went into the living room and put on Love, Actually, wrapping myself in a blanket and checking my phone for updates. He came back into the living room and handed me my mug, before sitting next to me and moving hair from my face.

 

"Hey."

 

I couldn’t ever help but laugh.

 

"Hi."

.

He had been acting strange lately, turning red every time we spoke and lying about when he went to sleep. He had been straying a little, no longer taking coffee every time I made it and no longer cuddling me as we drifted off to sleep. I was worried. Did he not want to be my friend anymore? Was he going to move out after 4 months here? Did he hate me and everything about me? I was psyching myself out again, and him being this way certainly wasn't helping.

 

One night I decided I'd had enough, and turned over in bed to face his back.

 

"Do you still want to be my friend?"

 

"What?" He sounded confused, yet like he knew what I was about to get at.

 

"You've been ignoring me, straying away, you aren’t even taking coffee when I make it or getting a good night's sleep. Do you want to move out?" I asked, feeling my patience wearing thin and my nervousness increasing more and more. He turned around a frown on his face and his eyebrows furred. He had never frowned like that the entire time I had known him.

 

"No, not at all, that's not what this is, god, I just-" He cut himself off, running a hand through his fringe with a sigh.

 

"I-" He stopped midway, to which my eyes widened in curiousness.

 

"You what?" I questioned, he didn't look up at me still.

 

"I can't help-" He stopped again, clearing his throat and staying silent, probably thinking of what he wanted to say. After a couple of seconds, he began again. He looked up at me almost in awe, letting a small breath escape his lips that I almost didn't catch.

 

"You leave me breathless." He breathed, and I couldn't help but blush. He-

 

"What are you trying to say?" I whispered, almost as if I talked I would scare him away at how small he seemed. I had never seen him like this, and yet, I felt this overwhelming urge to hold him and tell him everything would be okay. Is this how he felt for me all the time? I couldn't be sure.

 

"I think I might be in love with you."

 

Except now I was.

 

How did I feel for him? Sure, he was my friend, but I don't think I ever thought of him that way before. But then again, he was very protective, and lovely, and wouldn’t ever let anything hurt me. He had stayed through the storms and downpour. He loved me.

 

"God you’re so beautiful." He sighed, and I gulped.

 

"I think I feel the same." I said very very quietly, almost like a mouse. He scooted closer to me, letting a hand rest on my cheek for a moment before he let it gently trail down to my jaw. He was almost memorized by my skin, touching it softly as my eyes fluttered open and closed. He stopped and was two inches away from me.

 

"Hey." I smiled with a soft giggle, as he was closer and closer, his breath hitting my lips with the scent of the French toast he made earlier that night.

 

"Hi."

 

He kissed me and I enjoyed it very much.

.

For months the storm left, and I was basked in sun and golden warmth that he emitted and passed onto me. We discussed our relationship after that night and became boyfriends. I learned he was very affectionate and possessive and got jealous very easily. He was insecure but didn't like to show it for he did not want to worry me. He liked gummy bears and ice cream topped off with chocolate syrup, and on his (very rare) bad days he liked to be held and whispered sweet nothings. During sex his most sensitive part was his thighs and that was quite alright because they were one of my favorites anyways. He liked receiving and giving hickeys and also was very versatile when it came to who was top or bottom. He was slow and gentle on both ends, and always consented before doing something, even if it was only a kiss. We almost never fought and if we did it ended in us both crying and then ordering pizza and then making love until we were numb. He introduced me to his friends who quickly became my friends and loved watching Friends on Friday nights. He hung fairly lights from our window and watched the sunrise with me every Tuesday at 5am. He cared about other people’s feelings too much and was too good for his own good. He was stupid sometimes, and did things that got him in trouble, but I didn't care because he was him and nothing could ever change that. He loved me dearly and kissed me every morning and every night and all the times in between.

 

One night after making love I went to use the bathroom and then came out to him slipping a tee-shirt over my head and kissing my head. He took my hand and lead me to our bed and sat us down crisscross applesauce. He took my hands and kissed them both and kissed my head again before he had tears in his eyes.

 

"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned. What had he done?

 

"I just love you so much." He sobbed, kissing my hands again and again and again before he wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. He calmed down and I was still confused until he reached behind him and my hands flew out of his and over my mouth.

 

"You didn't-" I breathed, feeling tears prick my own eyes as he laughed with tears streaming down his face.

 

"I told you the sun would come out again." It was gold and warm and beautiful just like him. I began to cry and laugh and hiccup all at the same time and then smiled wider than I ever had before.

 

"Will you accept my umbrella forever?" I nodded fast and soon our lips were together and I never wanted to let go of him. He unattached us and stuck it on my finger and pulled me close with a permanent smile.

 

"Hey." I shoved him a little, but he wrapped his arms around me again and pecked my lips again. He didn't need to ask to kiss me.

 

"Hi."

 

I thought I would never have to worry about storms again.

 

I was wrong.

.

He promised me he'd be back in 20 minutes to get some milk for my cereal.

 

He promised me forever.

 

I was flipping through channels when I heard the news anchor report an accident in which two tubes had crashed into each other and started a fire. It had become ablaze and there were over 300 casualties. It had really been the tracks fault. There were 180 deaths including man saving people back and forth from one tube until he had burnt to death as well.

 

They said the ashes were found next to a burnt metal skeleton of a portable umbrella.

 

That was the biggest storm I ever had. The apartment was a mess, pots had broken glasses, lights had been punched out, windows had been smashed by potted plants and I tore his pillow apart. His favorite tea was scattered over the floor and knives were punctured into walls. My coat I threw away and his books were set on fire, just as he was.

 

And when I was finished, I cried for days and didn't get up off that same spot on the floor as I held the golden band tight, the only thing I had left of him that he touched besides me.

 

I was a mess.

 

I was always so afraid of drenching him I never thought of him drenching me.

 

I replayed that one-part same voicemail over and over again as if it was a song I never wanted to stop hearing. I couldn’t play the whole thing. It was too painful. Just the end bit. I didn't think I could hear any part but the end bit.

 

"Hey." I wouldn't ever stop saying it back.

 

"Hi."

.

Before I met him, I was nothing but a little bit of rain. Sometimes, I had bad days, and very bad days, and very very bad days, but then I remembered the boy from the greenhouse, the boy who I saw at the cafe on that rainy day, the boy who moved into my flat and who made love to me for the first time, the boy who carried around a portable umbrella just to assure me he wouldn’t get drenched, the boy who I knew everything about no matter how hard I tried to forget, the one who knew everything about me, the one who proposed to me in the sweetest way but never carried out his wish, the boy who promised me forever and twenty minutes when he went to buy milk for my cereal because we ran out, the boy who I killed because of a selfish wish, the boy whose voicemail I played every night before I went to sleep and cuddled up with a pillow drenched in his cologne, the boy who I loved with all my heart and would do anything to get him back even if it meant killing myself a thousand times only to see his face one more time.

 

And sure, I was boring and consistent, but he loved me in a way that had never stopped making sense and he had never left after the storms and would never made lighting that struck me and made me feel numb. He was the sun that moved the clouds away and the rain turn into a drizzle until it became nonexistent.

 

I would never forget the love that had taken away my rain and sorrows and replaced it with clear skies and happiness.

 

He was the boy who warm looking, golden, emitting heat from his appearance alone, with the ability to make happy tears form in my eyes with his loud lovely laughter and permanent smile.

 

He was the one to turn me into a bright, luminescent rainbow, that shone clearly even if I felt like I wanted to die like those roses. He had taught me to be more than just a little bit of rain.

 

"Love, I'm sorry, I missed the tube so I'm going to have to catch the next one. I'll be home with your milk soon, don't you worry. I'll get a different brand this time, you said you didn't like the Dairy Crest. Do you need anything else? I know we need eggs and coffee but I can't think of anything else. It's 3:20? Yeah, 3:20, and I know your probably in the shower, you always are when I go shopping, so call me back when you get out yeah? See you at home! Oh yeah, before I forget, do you want red or white roses? They had them at the florist nearby and she said the other day they'd be ready by now, so I'm going to pick those up as well. And yes, I know, how romantic of me to tell you I'm getting you roses, just be grateful I'm getting them you spoon. This is Dan by the way, but really who else would it be? I'm sorry you probably don't want a voicemail of me laughing. I'm gonna go, the tube is here. I'll see you later Phil, I love you! And remember darling; Hey.”

 

Or maybe I always was.

.


End file.
